| Almost three months I have not written. From what I wrote before, it seems that I have been quite cynical about life despite of the tremendous materialistic goods which I have been enjoying. Whatever the reason is, nowadays I am completely relaxed!
To start with, I just wanna say I really miss Akari nowadays. After exam, I spent my last week with Akari. Some how we really disagreed and argued. Finally 48 hours before our time of separation. I shouted at her irrationally in Freshgrocer loudly. `Go away and I will give you 6 hours to move all your shit out, otherwise, I will just throw it all away.` Tears came out of her eyes immediately. I declared a break up. And some how she got me to talk, and we sat on the floors. I shouted at her, and then she cried. It was around 1 am that time. Storekeepers look at us in a weird way, yet they cooperatively moved away from the mess and left us along. Five minutes after, I started feeling deeply regreted of what I had done and what I had said. I asked her to forgive me. We dragged ourselves to professor lee home to get back our grocery. On the way, it was a little bit cool, and she looked weaker than ever. I just could not forget the moment, and I said , `I am sorry` for nearly a hundred times even though she said it was ok. She just ended my apology by saying just dont do that anymore. And I promise you, Akari that certainly I wont do that ever in my life. I just promise.
So, the next day, we were making cheese cake and we got into a fight again at 4 in the morning, that meant that only 12 hours left for me and her. She said that I was not environmental friendly by using a whole paper towel. I said yes, may be it was not the best way. But I am so used to it that I dont think the benefit justify the cost. Environmental problem would not be solved just because I use one paper towel less plus I believed in the market. Immediately, it broke into another argument. We have just been personally attacking each other since spring break. Like I fiinally concluded that I got this seven crimes of arrogant, selfish, ignorant, sarcastic, insecure, non considerate, biased...may be I got some of those wrong as it was several months ago. Facing such accusation from the person you love the most, I again lost contol. But this time, my emotion just got to become very indifferent. Finally the dawn broke, and it was almost 5. I told her that we got less than 12 hours left, and if thats all, let it be. We could not make our last day a happy memory, what a pity. I dont wanna argue all day like those married couples. After marriage, they just argue all day long until the moment the one who has been closest to them is going to say bye in the hospital. All of a sudden, both realize that they have spent 40 years of time criticizing each other, and one of them might wanna say some sweet word, but everything is too late. Not mentioning that they are so used to being mean to each other for 40 years, whether saying several sweet words before death can compensate everything before is also a question. It is sad. I do not want that to happen on me. So that was pretty much what I told her. She promised that she would change that, and so did I promise that I would change me inherited fault.
The sun rose but we pretty much neglected it, and all we did was hanging each other and cried. So, we went to the river bank and at there, we spent our last hour. The sunset reflected from the river together with the wind, we were totally absorbed in our own world. I shamelessly took a pen to draw her posture of sleeping. It turned out not to be as bad as I thought.
There are just so much more I wanna say. There is just so much more I wanna to thank her. I was inspired to learn how to think, how to feel, how to and how to trust. She let me experience life and love. So, my dear Akari now is in south america, a place which is too far for me to contact. In any case, I will keep thinking of you.
So that is all about Akari, and let talk about something else.
So, for the first two weeks of June, it was my studying time for CFA. The exam is quite a comprehensive one, and I had quite a lot of fun studying it. And then I spent about 8 days travelling to silk road with my high school friend. And now I am in Japan studying Japanese. I believe that I have made some progress; however, the progress is quite small plus I feel that I will easily forget things after I go back to Hong Kong.
I found that Japan has great restaurants and department stores. Above that, I really love their business books as they are so detailed and organized. As my japanese is so shitty that I cant really understand the content, so i dont know whether they got insight or not. But just buying the numbers, charts and organization of information already pay off!
Lately, I have been watching gundam, it is quite a passionate movie, and I am again very impressed by the orignal writer of the story. Despite a product in the 80s. (The DVD version I am watching is a revamped product in 2000), the story itself just presents so many complex dimensions of human life. The insight about human nature and our society just remind me of some human nature. The swinging before benevolence and self interest, peace and war, love and hatred are just so well depicted.
About myself, I am doing quite well. In term of mentality, I am quite sure my dark side has pretty much completely gone. My struggle for money occassionally comes back. Thanks to a pre-set schedule, I am too tired to think about money and future, so that i am more focused on the present. I guess that is one way to go. |
